Join Courtney Nicole as she interviews Jade Matthews and we learn about owning your skin, being confident where you're at, choosing your story, and becoming more you.
Check out Jade's Website, Facebook, and LinkedIn to learn more about what she does.
Want to engage with Courtney Nicole? Check out Courtney Nicole's LinkedIn, Sidecar Solutions, and Nonpareil Coaching for next steps.
Join Courtney Nicole as she interviews Jade Matthews and we learn about owning your skin, being confident where you're at, choosing your story, and becoming more you.
Check out Jade's Website, Facebook, and LinkedIn to learn more about what she does.
Want to engage with Courtney Nicole? Check out Courtney Nicole's LinkedIn, Sidecar Solutions, and Nonpareil Coaching for next steps.
Welcome to the podcast, What Our Parents Didn't Teach Us. I am here today with Jade Matthews. Jade is hailing from Liverpool, so you get to enjoy their beautiful accent today. And it has just been a joy to get to see so many different people all around the world via Zoom. If you don't know, we are hosting this podcast on YouTube, but also publishing it out there for everyone. So Jade, tell us a little bit more about you. What should we know?
Jade Matthews:Hi there. Thank you, first of all, so much for having me on here today. I really appreciate it. I'm an online fitness and strength coach for women. And I help them look and feel amazing in their clothing, both naked if they want to as well. And yeah, I'm just all about empowering and helping women feel amazing within themselves. For the longterm, not just for a wedding or for a birthday. For the longterm, because there's a lot of women struggling with their confidence and their self-worth and everything like that. And I'm like, no, this isn't happening. So here I am!
Courtney Nicole:That's wonderful. I'm really excited that you are doing this great work. I think, especially when we talk about the naked women thing, that a lot of women, the only thing that they see naked is possibly a parent, but more than likely just pornography. Which, has its place in society. But by and large, we can agree that they are not the standard that most women do not look like that. And most women don't get airbrushed by the time their eyes see what they see in the mirror. I think it's amazing to give people a different standard and to give women the opportunity to live up to whatever their body was meant to be. Because there are types, there are things that just are not going to happen. I don't care who you are, but that's just not a reality for your bone structure. Right.
Jade Matthews:Yeah, definitely. And also there's like this, I think there's a little bit of this taboo going around still where women, they're not allowed to feel confident. Whether it's naked or in a bikini or whatever. They're kind of not allowed to be too confident or feel too good about themselves in case someone thinks they're arrogant or full of themselves or a narcissist or whatever. I think that's why a lot of women are still holding back because they're scared someone will think they're full of themselves. But that's not the case. maybe it might be.
Courtney Nicole:What bad thing happens if a woman is full of herself? Like why is that such a terrible thing? If a man is full of himself, he's going to land a great job. So why can't women also be full of themselves?
Jade Matthews:Exactly. Exactly. You've just hit the nail on the head. It's exactly the case. Like men are allowed to feel confident. They're allowed to be vain. They're allowed to show off and if it's a woman, it's like, you need to calm down a bit, and I'm like, no, I don't need to calm down.
Courtney Nicole:Oh, Taylor Swift, you need to calm down. Ooh. Don't I I've met a lot of people and I am one of those people. If you're like, you're just a lot, I'm like, then go somewhere else.
Jade Matthews:Right.
Courtney Nicole:I'm occupying this space with my a-lot-ness and you're just going to have to get over it.
Jade Matthews:Exactly. When I was growing up, that was a big deal. It was kind of like, Oh, calm down. You don't want to be too much. And I come from a really traditional family where it's very much like, women are women, men are men, men can be loud and bold, but women have to be like, dainty. And I think it's just made me go the exact opposite way because that's not the way I want to be or ever wanted to be. And I grew up actually feeling really bad about being quite bold and being a lot, because I was told that from a few people in a few jobs as well. And I was always told, or can you reign it in a bit? And I was kind of like, Oh, at the time, obviously, because I was really young and stupid, I listened to them and I was like, Oh, okay, cool. Sorry if I offended you. But now I'm like, now I look back at it in my thirties and I'm like, what did you, what do you mean by it? In, I don't, I don't get it. Do you mean like reign in my personality or something? Like, what does this
Courtney Nicole:invisible, turn my light off. Cause that sounds real nice. Yeah. Definitely.
Jade Matthews:Exactly. So that's why I had the inspiration behind everything I do, because I'm like, no, I want people to be loud and bold and strip off if they want to, you
Courtney Nicole:Yeah, no,
Jade Matthews:why not?
Courtney Nicole:So tell me more about this health journey. When did you first decide like no, making women feel amazing, making them, think that they are amazing and helping them to get their bodies into whatever they want them to be and being proud of that. When did that kind of come apart? It's like, that's, that's what I want to be. That's what I want to do.
Jade Matthews:I think it was, it was quite recently, it was only about three or four years ago that I took it seriously. But I grew up watching my mom really struggle with her image, her self worth, her weight, everything. And when I was in school, I remember, I don't think I was being bullied, but I, I remember people like kids in the playground telling me like, Oh, is your mum like the really fat one? And like people would come up to me and be like, your mom's so fat. Like, they'd bully me about my mom. And I'd be like, what is the point in this? But when you're a kid, everything upsets you. So I think that's had a lot of that. Had a huge knock on effect on how I viewed myself and. How I viewed, cause I just watched my mum, like never, never do anything for herself. Always put me first and all. And my brother. Always put everybody else before her. And she's got like so little confidence, but she's always covered it up very well. And I found myself in my twenties doing the same. And then I realized like, no, I don't want to be like that. I don't want to be, this person who has to hide behind a mask and I just want to be myself. And then, whoever likes it comes to me and whoever doesn't stay away, whatever, and I got into fitness cause I've always enjoyed it. But then I was like, no, why don't I just put the fitness and the confidence together? Because when I started going and taking fitness seriously, like starting lifting in the gym and stuff like that, I started realizing like how much more confident I was, but not just because of the way I looked, but just in general, just how, like how amazing I feel afterwards that I'd done something for myself. And I think that just spiraled into a huge confidence boost and it, I started turning up stronger at work. And I just felt different. I felt different about how I viewed friends. And it just changed everything around me. So then that's when I had the idea to full on, have it in a business and then be like, well, if I can feel this amazing, like how amazing can other people feel?
Courtney Nicole:I love sharing passion with the world and everything about it. One of the interesting things you were just talking about, which is a just a cool topic in general, is when you change and the minor shift that happens, and it happened in your story and it happens everywhere. When you go from the thing you're afraid of being, or the thing you don't want to be associated with to the thing you desire. And it's the same thing. I don't know if you've ever had dreams. I know some people don't even remember their dreams, but when you are running from something in a dream, it's the worst feeling in the whole world, especially in the dream world, it seems like they always catch you, or they're always about to catch you and you can't breathe fully. And you can't anything else. I think if you contrast that with the idea of like a finish line and that extra surge of energy you get just before you get there, when you can see where you want to be. And I wish that more people could learn how to more quickly and sooner to look towards what they want to become and quit running from the things that they don't want. I think deciding, this isn't who I want to be, and this is not a thing I want to be affiliated with is a good starting point. Sometimes you just need something to get you off the couch, to get you running, to get you to the gym. But the sooner you can identify and develop an idea like this is what I want to be. This is what I want to look like. And this is going to be my confident and full and happy and free life is so much more powerful than I'm only going to the gym so that I'm not fat. I'm like, Oh God, that's rough.
Jade Matthews:Yeah. And when it comes from a place of hate, like that, not well hate is a bit of a strong word, but when it comes from that place of dislike, that's why those people, with that mindset, very rarely have sustainable results. Because it, and that's kind of what I watched my mum do. It was almost like I'm doing this because I hate myself. And, she didn't have like all these swanky apps that we have these days now, all we had was like SlimFast. I think that was all I ever saw her do. And I was like, no, sorry. I mean, luckily we're more advanced in the health and fitness world now, but it just, it does have a, it had a knock-on effect on my identity as well. Cause I'd identify with, Oh, well, everybody else in my family diets. So maybe I should. And that's why I just, I guess I flipped it over and went the other way and was like, I don't want to be like that. And I don't want others to feel like that. Cause it's a trap, you're just trapped by your own limits. And how you think and feel about yourself.
Courtney Nicole:Yeah, it is. It is definitely like a spiral. It just kind of feels like you're stuck in it. And then, especially when it comes to generational, because that's you know, what's been passed down. And I think generationally the old stories and tribes and all that kind of stuff was really neat. Cause they would pass down the positive aspects of it. Like we were heroes, we were conquerors. We were providers. We were all these things. And somewhere, we lost the art of doing it well and empowering the next generation with our stories. But the principle still remains. The principle is still there, that what we live out and what stories we tell of ourselves and of our generations before us do impact the people coming after us and sometimes in really negative ways. And it makes it hard for them to just make that shift from the, swirl downward into something very positive and very life-giving.
Jade Matthews:Yeah, a hundred percent definitely. You just hit the nail on the head there.
Courtney Nicole:We went a little bit deep, but that's okay. What other things have you found with clients? There's like this hidden little nugget in there. We just unearthed of not going from a place of fear or hate or loathing or disgust, but going towards a place of love and acceptance and joy and hope. What are other principles that you feel like are not just the fitness things, you know, eat more greens or anything else that any other dieting guru in the world will tell you. Go this many days to the gym. Okay. What's below the surface. What really needs to happen up here in that muscle between your two ears before things will start to change?
Jade Matthews:For me, what I do with clients is an identity shift. And I know it sounds crazy because people are like, Oh, you want me to change who I am, but that's not it. And there is a fine line between, cause some people might be listening to this and being like, well, if you're training and you're working out, it's because you want to change something, which is true. You do. But it's got to come from a place of like, I've accepted that I don't like this, I'm just willing to improve it, which is why I go to the gym as well. I don't go to the gym cause I find it easy. I go to the gym just because it not only helps with my mental health, but I'm improving on what I have instead of beating down what I don't like. So the identity shift I do is, I found after doing like market research, speaking to like hundreds of women before I started my online business is they would identify with a certain part of their personality, which would be attached to, or latched to say dieting. Or if there's, if there's someone who say, for example, always does Weight Watchers or slimming world. Even if it doesn't work, they'll keep turning back to it. So I kept thinking, why do these people keep going back to something which isn't working for them? Because if it's the third, fourth time you're returning, what difference are you expecting this time? And I realized it was kind of similar to any kind of addiction someone has, whether that's cigarettes or coffee or something like that. It's like this person's identity is like, I'm Jade and I have a coffee every single morning and I can't survive unless I have coffee. Or I can't survive unless I have three cigarettes a day. Or something like that. So what these people, what these ladies would doing is then latching on to the part of their identity, which is like, I can only get results if I do Slimming World, or I can only do results if I get we'll go WeightWatchers. Which they get a smidgen of results and they're not sustainable. So as soon as they're finished, they're like, Oh, okay, I'm back to square one again, because that's what they've identified with. So they, they almost have a ceiling in their mind of like, this is all I can do, and this is all I'm ever going to be able to do. So when you suggest something more with like longevity that they're like, Oh, I can't do that. And it's not because they can't do that. It's simply because they have identified with, I never get long-term results, so I'm never going to get them anyway. And then they just almost give up before they start. So they think to themselves, well, I'm not doing anything long-term because I won't get the result.
Courtney Nicole:Hmm. Yeah, definitely kind of ends up in this confusing world of all of these if then statements in these calculations that we try to play out and it just doesn't work that way. It's not the way the world's set up. On the identity piece, I recently read Atomic Habits by James Clear. And he has a whole little section in there all about identity. And he was basically using the smoking example. So if someone is trying to quit smoking and someone offers them a cigarette, there are two responses that most people will have. The first response is no thanks, I'm trying to quit. And the other one is no, I'm not a smoker. And until you can take what you're trying to become and make it a part of the new identity that will be you when you are successful. Maybe that's not you today. But when it is you, like, you have to make that a part of the fabric of who you are. Because if you spend time trying to change the habit, it won't make an effect. If you change who you are and you see that as like a part of your personality, now you can see exponential results. So if you're just like, no thanks. I'm trying to get more fit, or if you're like, Oh, I better go to the gym so that I can have more muscle, I can look better. You're like, no, I'm a person who goes to the gym. It is a part of who I am as, you know, what I choose to be.
Jade Matthews:Yeah, definitely. I love that book as well, because one of my friends was reading that and she advised me to read it. But those two responses are perfect as well, because it makes the difference between if someone folds when they're trying to break a habit and say, they're trying to like give up chocolate. And someone's like, Oh, go on, have a piece. It's not going to make a difference. And then you're like, Oh God. And then, it's that, that's the same identity that they're in because they are suddenly this person who like, Oh, I'm Jade, I'm trying to give up chocolate, but you know, all my friends keeping it around me and it's really hard. And I saw it today in a Facebook group where someone was like, Oh, someone in the office has bought in loads of candy and they've put the box right there near my desk. What should I do? And she was genuinely asking for help. Like, it wasn't even a joke. Like she was genuine, like. Like, what should I do? And I was like, don't make a big deal out of it. You can't get up and walk away cause you're at work. And you can't exactly tell your colleague off for bringing in candy because that's what he wants to do. So all you can do is be like, right. I'm Jade who works in this office and, my colleague eats candy and I don't want any. Or I don't eat any. Or I don't like it cause it's like, it's stuck in my teeth or something like that. Just something completely unrelated because people freak out and they think, Oh, I can't do it. I can't, at night I get these cravings and I just, I can't help it. I have to have the biscuits I have to have, or whatever it is that they snack on at night. And they usually don't know why they're even craving the foods. They have no idea why they're craving it. Is it a mindset thing? Is it genuinely like a physical need? They might have deficiencies of some sort. If it's not that, then it's usually some sort of behavior or emotion behind it. Which creates that person to snack at night. But usually night time snacking is something I hear quite often and it's usually more habit again. It's not being hungry at night time. It's I snack at nighttime. Again, it's an identity thing. It's like, Oh, I'm Jade. And I snack at nighttime, and that's why every single night they're like, Oh, I've got cravings. And it's like, you don't have a craving. You probably don't. It's just upstairs.
Courtney Nicole:Yeah, no, for sure. Another thing I've used, a trick for myself when things are difficult is realizing that at some point, you're going to have to tell the story, whether you're telling the story from a point of victory and a point of overcoming, or you're telling the story as a point of struggle, like it doesn't really matter, but you will tell the story. So how do you want to tell the story? And I think that's one of the reasons that 12 step programs and programs like that have become so helpful is because there's that accountability to tell the story of what happened. And just that instantaneous, having to think outside of the moment and the struggle that's going on to I'm going to tell Jade about this. I'm going to tell my coach about this. And I know it's one of the reasons that I've had a lot of people hire me as a coach is they were just like, I want someone who I have to tell when I mess up and when I do really well. Because if there's no incentive, if there's no reason to, or to not, one of the biggest arguments I've heard from people that have bad eating habits, is it doesn't affect anyone else. No one will know, I throw out the wrappers and then it's like, it never happened. I feel like, no, it does impact other people because you get to tell that story. And I think more importantly beyond whether or not you can tell the story, you have the opportunity or that you have a coach that you can tell the story to, you're going to tell the story to yourself. And no one else in the world, will you ever spend more time with than yourself. And what you've tell yourself as you spend time with yourself becomes your identity. And so it just kind of ends up in this crazy cycle over and over and over again about like, what story do you want to be writing? Not for your kids, or for your spouse, or for anyone else in the world. But what story do you want to be writing for you? Because you're going to lay in bed at night and tell that story and be like, God, today they brought candy in. And I didn't even want any, it was so cool. And then I came home and I changed my habit and I came through a different door and I didn't even have a craving. I checked inside before I checked outside. And I know that that's the story going on here. And then the story can become: well, if I've done well before I can do well again, I can overcome this. This doesn't have to be who I am. And then you can work with somebody like Jade and actually change your identity, change, who you are and change the neural pathways that evolves into the story that you're telling.
Jade Matthews:Yeah, definitely. I love, I love that. It's so self-concept, and that is where the confidence part comes into it as well. Because I think sometimes when I say identity shifting, which is like my first pillar that I go through, I think people are like, Oh, what are you going to do? Make me change myself. And I don't mean identity shift as in like, go ahead and change your name on depo, or like, I dunno, dye your hair a different color or something like that. But like internally, like what is the dialogue that you're telling yourself? So a lot of people who train as well, they believe that everything needs to be hard. And there's this, stereotype, should we say that everything needs to be really, really hard. Like your workouts need to be hard. You need to sweat, you need to be in pain. You need to like, have really sore muscles all the time and you need to train every single day. And those things are just so much rubbish. And that's another thing people latch on to. They're kind of like, Oh, I Oh, I don't, I'm not in pain today. What's going on? And it's like, nothing's going on? You're not. You haven't done anything wrong? Oh, I don't feel like I've worked hard enough. And it's like, just because they haven't had an injury or because their muscles aren't really, really sore or something, they think it has to be a daily thing. But also, if you change your habits and your identity, and it's something that you do consistently, that is where the confidence comes from. It's like doing work consistently. And one of my coaches always said to me, cause I used to lack a lot of confidence in certain aspects of my business and, growing up certain things in my character as well that I picked up from watching my mother cause she had very low confidence. He said to me once, like confidence comes from implementing. And if you sit there having no confidence, and don't do anything and don't take any action, you're going to be in the same place. If anything is going to get lower, because you're just going to be like, Oh, I'm not getting any results, so I've got no confidence. And I don't want to do anything cause I don't want to fail. Therefore I've got no confidence because I'm not seeing a result and it's just a vicious circle. So he'd always say to me, you need to implement, to get the result, to build on the confidence and then you just rinse it off. Yeah.
Courtney Nicole:Yeah, Seth Godin does a lot about that. It's just like, just ship it. Just send it. Just do something. Because if you're going to be something you need to have failed a lot, you need to have done it and done it badly in order to know how to do it. Well, that's why contrast exists. That's why there's pain and suffering in the world. It's so that you can appreciate it when there isn't pain. That's like basically saying that, if it's hard for you to lift, maybe you have an injury and it's hard for you to lift like a jug of milk or something. And then you work out for a while and you don't have that pain anymore, that's a good thing. That's growth. That's moving on. That's becoming better. And just really enjoying that when you get there starts by doing the very tiny steps. Like you said, just doing it. Just sending it. Implementing it. I think another big, fascinating thing about identity is when I've asked people who are you. And especially when I work with people who have a lot of things, people who are very materialistic I'm like, who are you? Who are you, jade? And more often than not, everyone will answer me with what they do. Oh, I'm a systems engineer. Oh, I'm a mother. Oh, I'm a, Oh, I'm a, and I'm just like, No. No. Who are you? So I'd love to pose that question to you today. Who do you believe that you are beyond a coach? Beyond to someone who's, passionate about health? Who are you and why is that important?
Jade Matthews:I'm glad you've clarified that because if I'm really honest, I would have probably said, Oh, I'm Jade and this is what I do, but you already know that anyway. So yeah, that's not the answer anyway. But it's, it is an interesting question because we just go straight to kind of what we own or what we do or that the actions we take every single day and with whom. But I believe that I'm just someone who has tried and failed and tried and failed so so many times. And I'm not just saying that to sound inspiring. But I'm saying that as in, because I went through my twenties, not knowing what I wanted to do with myself and I had parents who were really traditional and wanted me to go to university, become a doctor, become a teacher, do the whole academia stuff, which didn't suit me or my personality. So as much as I was trying to please them, I was also trying to kind of be true to myself, which I wasn't. So I disregarded my whole personality throughout my twenties because I was spending so long trying to just conform to the daughter they wanted me to be. And I couldn't because I could no longer pretend to sit in that box. So I guess I'm just the person coming out of the box in my thirties now and flattening the box as we speak. Should we say? Yeah, recycling. That's a lot better.
Courtney Nicole:Yeah. Yep. You use the box for something else. Maybe you use it to, carry the laundry back and forth, or maybe you use it as a vessel to carry the new future that you're building. But I think who I am, like, even if you say, all right, just look down and who are you? I'm not a person who's wearing a sweater. I'm not a person who's sitting in a chair. I'm a person who's like being present in this moment. I am someone who's sharing my story. I'm someone who has overcome unimaginable obstacles. I'm someone who's pushing towards a new goal. Who's looking for rebirth. Who's looking for growth, who has a vision of being a champion and who will become that more and more every single day. So then it's like, I, I am that. That's who I am. It's not what I do. It's not what I will achieve. It's not where I've been. It's where are you right now? And why is that important?
Jade Matthews:Yeah, definitely. And that's, that's made me think as well, actually, what you've just asked and it's something I'll definitely think about, especially not just asking others, but to remind myself that we're a spirit as well. We just, in this human being, having this human experience, but actually deep down, we're all a spirit on the planet. Having different experiences and I've recently heard about this dark night of the soul and awakening and all of that. And I only recently got into it and like serious about it in the last year. Because during COVID, I think we all leaned into ourselves in different ways. We were all forced to have a sit and think to ourselves So, yeah, for me, a lot of my growth came from there because I just realized how much I'd spent in victim mentality as well. And not realize at all, like if no one had sat me down and been like, this is how you're behaving. Not, not in a horrible way, but in a kind of like this person needs a bit of a nudge and I'm so grateful for that. And now I can help others who might be in the similar position, especially when it does come to their health and fitness goals as well.
Courtney Nicole:Yeah. I wonder if that's one of the reasons that so many people feel disconnected is because a lot of the stories in society, we tie our identity to our achievements. Or we tie it to what we're doing or our titles or anything else. So I think if you can actually develop an identity that really is who you are, like you said, completely naked without a skin color or a gender or anything else. Like who are you? What is your soul screaming? What is the imprint that you were put on this earth to make? If you can talk about that, it will connect with people on a deeper level than you could ever fathom. Because they're sitting there trying to say, do I fit in this box? Do I fit in this hole you know, just like the little baby toys where it's just like, no, the star doesn't go in the square type of a thing. And there are so many people around us that are stars and feeling like the world is just a bunch of square and circle options. And giving them not only the right, but the privilege to see you on such a deep level and then tie the threads. Because I think that's where we're connected as humans. We're not connected because we both go to the same gym or because we both like coffee or any of these other things, like that's fine. And they can be tiny connection strings. But I think if you talk about real deep connection and the kind that makes you feel present and alive and here on this earth, I think that's a soul connection. And I think soul connections only happen with energy. And energy really can only happen when it's true, when it's honest, and when it's a safe space to connect. And I think that's that imprint that I want to talk more about in just the world. How do we get down to what is our energy, what's our vibration and what other things are trying to be drawn to that so that we can make those connections? Because there's a lot of people out there. As soon as it doesn't fit, they just start to float. And they're like, well, I guess I don't belong here.
Jade Matthews:And this is what, and what you've just mentioned. That's probably why so many people now are struggling with their mental health issues. Like minus the pandemic. But this, this is why, because, I've felt like that before, where I've been like, well, I'm this shape and I don't fit in the square peg. Definitely not. And I've ended up floating because I'm kind of like, well, I don't know where to go. I don't want to conform to the square because I've tried that and it doesn't work. But I also don't know where to go then. So it's about kind of, if you don't fit in that peg, or that hole, whatever it is, then it's time to just call one out for yourself. That's what I've just decided to do now because I'm kind of like, well, I don't want to float anymore. I don't want to try and force myself somewhere where I don't fit. And what you mentioned with people attaching their, their worth and their identity to their achievements is something I find myself in the trap of doing. And I'm guilty of that if I'm perfectly honest, however, and I'm glad you mentioned it because I think a lot of other people do the same, whether they're aware of it or not. And social media does not help because everyone's showing their show reel. So somebody else shows. A show reel of something going on and you just don't know what's going on behind closed doors. You don't know where that person's mental health's at. Yet, we look at their pictures and go, Oh my God, this person looks like they've got it all figured out. And they've already got this many followers and they're only this years old and I'm 10 years old and I still haven't even done this. And I find myself in that mindset sometimes where I'll find that, I don't know why, but there'll be some famous person who's the same age as me. And I'll be like, Oh my God, this person's like worth 15 million. And here I am telling people to like do deadlifts, and then I'll be like, hang on, hang on a, hold on, like roll really back. And then I, and then, you have to get yourself out of that spiral, because the bottom line is whoever that celebrity is who's the same age as me and whatever they're worth, as in like money-wise, we don't know that person's situation. We don't know how they're thinking, how they're feeling. We don't know anything about that person's mental health and where they're at and whether they're depressed or happy or however they're feeling. So it's so important not to attach your identity and self-worth to achievements. Not in the long run anyway, lesson. Yes. Celebrate your achievements, but it's not the be-all and end-all of like everything.
Courtney Nicole:Yeah, absolutely. And it's not a permanent thing, it's just like, if you're going to convention and you put on like a little name tag and it's like, I'm from here, you're not going to be from there forever. You may not even use those pronouns forever. There's a lot of things that could change about that name tag, but that's why it's just sticky and you just tear it off at the end of the day. And so I would encourage people to like go deeper beyond what's the name tag? You stick on your shirt, but what, what are you actually. Like when the name tags gone? When the event has gone, when the thread that you thought you were gathering around with your fellow human beings is gone, who are you then? And how can that be enough? Because I guarantee there's someone out there in the world that wants to connect with that. That wants to hear yeah, that's me. I'm that authentic person. I'm also terrified out of my right mind. I'm also going to fail a lot of times before I succeed. And like, I'm still gonna get back up. Like, I'm a person who gets back up, that's who I am. And so talking from that type of a moment and that point of vulnerability is huge and I hope that more people can do that.
Jade Matthews:Yup. A hundred percent definitely. I hope that message comes along in my training and like what I do online and stuff like that, because I can have quite a no BS approach to training. But that's because the health and fitness industry has a lot of, Oh, what should we say? Like a lot of, every industry has its myths, but it has a lot of kind of, you're doing it wrong if you're doing this and you're doing it right if you wear this or if you look like that, or if you do this way and it's like, Oh, you know what, I just, and that kind of stuff. I, it makes my blood boil. So sometimes I'm very real in that sense, but I do want women to understand that their self-worth is so much deeper, not just because I'm helping them build a nice body. But it's because the confidence that comes with that and the self-worth and the way you show up with your family and your friends and your colleagues will be 50 times different. And then you'll be like, Oh yeah, that's what it is. It's that, that there's that little click or that something that goes off internally where they're like, this is the change. That is it now. No going back.
Courtney Nicole:Yeah, that's beautiful. I one, one last thing before we sign off here, you had mentioned earlier that you had been someone who'd kind of attached yourself to your successes or your not successes or this, that, and the other. And I kind of wonder if there isn't a movement to be like illuminated in there about what if we attached ourselves to our failures. Like what if we just said, like, this is my biggest vulnerability. This is where I mess up the most. And this is where I'm growing. And if that wouldn't, aluminate an opportunity for other people to meet you there. And for everybody to rise together, instead of trying to like highlight our pinnacle moment and very few people will get there, what if we highlighted our lowest points and what if everyone could join there and then together we could rise. So it's just an open invitation. I don't know if you have one in mind, but I will also just share biggest failure or biggest shortcoming or biggest part of myself that I'm not crazy about as just an open invitation to other people to just say, well, here's mine. Here's where I don't feel like I've done a great job.
Jade Matthews:I got a list as long as my arm.
Courtney Nicole:No, no, no. Just the big one. Just one, just
Jade Matthews:Yeah. Oh, where I've really messed up.
Courtney Nicole:I think it's an, a clarifying point is not where someone else told you. Like not, where somebody else was like, you're too much. Like we talked about at the beginning, go tone it down or something like that. It's where do you, when you tell the story of your life and you're just like, this is an area that I want to get better at. That I'm going to get better at, like, this is something in myself that I'm looking forward to transforming into a strength.
Jade Matthews:Mine would be. I'm very impulsive. I make decisions very quickly and very suddenly. So that's something that's made me fail a lot in the past. But it's also because I didn't listen to my intuition. So I think there's always going to be impulses out there, and I'm always going to be that person. But you can be that person and strike while the iron's hot, but you need to also listen to your intuition because I don't think it's ever wrong. And there's a reason we all have that intuition. And last year, I didn't listen to it twice. There were two situations where I took a risk and it didn't turn out. Well, it just went down the drain. It was absolute mess. And that was because my intuition was like, told you so. You should have listened to me. That's why I'm here. You'll know for next time. And the irony is those events happened like almost back to back within a few months of each other. So I've learned my lesson now.
Courtney Nicole:Your, your, I am statement might be something like I am someone who's learning to listen to my intuition. And that's a beautiful journey to be on. I think for me, I'd say that I don't appreciate the, the middle. I either am like, we're at the beginning and we're going to do this, or I'm like, and we're sailing and it's going to be awesome. And there are so many people. In fact, the majority of the earth lives in the middle, whether it's, mediocrity or the middle-class or the median expectation, or the average percentile, or you name it, a world exists in the middle. And I think my shortcoming and my failure in that area has been to not want to exist there. To almost be like, Oh, that's not for me. And in, so doing I've missed out on lots of great relationships and opportunities and all kinds of things in business. So I just welcome that failure in myself as someone who gets to now learn to enjoy time in the middle. Not just at the top or at the bottom, but what's it like just to be? Just to enjoy that moment of like, you know what I am average and that is okay. And I think I'm like encroaching on that, just age wise, I'm not necessarily a college student anymore and I'm not at retirement. So I think it's going to get really uncomfortable and I'm going to get more and more opportunities to learn how to excel in that area. Is to learn what it means to be in the middle. And then you can go back to enjoying the highlight for the low times or whatever happens. But I think someone who enjoys the middle would be a part that I could add to so that I could say I really enjoy every level of life.
Jade Matthews:I like that. I really, really, I think that's a really interesting concept as well. Because when you mentioned, like, you're even you either like the, the beginning or the end, and like the majority of people it's just made me realize that the majority of people are in the middle and whether they enjoy it or not, or they realize they kind of do get stuck in the middle because they enjoy the start. They either get stuck in the middle or enjoy being in the middle and then they don't even push themselves because. You know, They're bored or they don't push themselves because in fear of failure, so they end up staying there. So it's a really, really interesting concept that you just mentioned as well. I'd never thought of it like that.
Courtney Nicole:We're here to talk about the things no one talks about. To think about the things nobody thinks about. So, with that, I think we'll probably wrap up for today. But you did mention a lot about what you do and your work. Is there anything else you want to let people know if they're like Jade is freaking awesome and I want to work with her right here right now. Where can they find you or what's your additional like little sales pitch or spiel that tells people exactly what you're here for?
Jade Matthews:My main platform is actually Facebook. It's also LinkedIn. So LinkedIn and Facebook, I do have an Instagram, but it's more just because of clubhouse because I like having a little chin wag on clubhouse now and again, but otherwise it's just if you want to look amazing in your skin, that's fine. And if you want to look amazing in your clothes, that's fine, but don't feel bad about it. And don't feel guilty about it. Don't feel guilty about wanting to walk around naked because that's, that's what we're built for. Walk around naked. No, I'm joking. I'm not saying walk around naked work
Courtney Nicole:come out with clothes on, so you're
Jade Matthews:Yeah. Yeah, it's true. Exactly. But basically for women to just believe that they have it in them to look and feel amazing because so many women think they're not worthy of it. And it's a shame, because they are worthy of it. They are worthy of, owning the skin they're in and rocking the skin they're in and being like, yeah, I do have a nice bum, thanks. I'm going to show it off. Why not?
Courtney Nicole:Yes. I I did a little bit on that not too long ago on social media. I said, it's, when you are someone who can't receive compliments and people say, you look beautiful and you're like, no, you look beautiful. There's like, step one is to get to stop saying that, and start saying, thank you. Just accept the compliment. And I was like, but step two, the ultimate level of this whole compliment exchange that we're in in the world is to build upon it. If somebody says you look amazing, be like, yes, I do.
Jade Matthews:Exactly. Exactly. I love that.
Courtney Nicole:like that like super level, all of compliment, because if they hand you a little boost and you're like, yeah, I do! Then have a great time with that compliment and then you'll be invigorated to go and give that to someone else. And we can elevate the whole world if we stop beating it down and stop, just accepting it as a neutral, but really look at it as an infusion of positivity and take it to the next level with affirmation on our part.
Jade Matthews:A hundred percent. Yeah. And also it just gives you that energy too, when you, like, when I want women to feel like when they walk into a room, they own the room. And some women can do this. And that's great. Whether it's because of their job or because of their clothing or their Louis Vuittan's or whatever. Like, I want women to be able to walk into a room and be like, I own this room. But a lot of women feel bad because they think like, Oh, I don't want to sound, I don't want to look arrogant or full of myself. And I'm like, no, I think you should walk into a room and be like, I own this room. Like, why not?
Courtney Nicole:Yeah. And if
Jade Matthews:that's what I believe.
Courtney Nicole:own this room, then you're like, okay, let's own it together. Like, let's just fricking take up the space because if nobody owns this room, we're getting shit all done. So it's nice to just go to that level where you're like, all right. I mean, I don't care if you also own this room, we can all be here. There's plenty of pie for everybody, but let's try owning it and see where we go from there.
Jade Matthews:Exactly. Love it.
Courtney Nicole:Well, Yes, of course. Well, it has been lovely chatting with you. We will let our lovely listeners go with these final notes. Do follow Jade, get in touch, especially if you are someone of the feminine identity that wants to get more in touch with yourself and to feel fabulous and confident. And like she said, elevate yourself in every area of life, not just in the way that you look or going to parties or when your makeup's on, but when you're naked, running around your house, or when you are walking into a business meeting, anything can be impacted by what we start on the inside. So with that, I will sign off. Don't forget that the universe is conspiring with you.