In this first episode, Courtney Nicole interviews podcast host Joy Bork. Listen as they discuss fancy words, what kind of human we want to be, how to listen to our bodies, and much more.
Check out Joy's Website, Parks and Rewatch Facebook Page, Here We Are Podcast Facebook Page, and LinkedIn to learn more about what she does.
Want to engage with Courtney Nicole? Check out Courtney Nicole's LinkedIn, Sidecar Solutions, and Nonpareil Coaching for next steps.
In this first episode, Courtney Nicole interviews podcast host Joy Bork. Listen as they discuss fancy words, what kind of human we want to be, how to listen to our bodies, and much more.
Check out Joy's Website, Parks and Rewatch Facebook Page, Here We Are Podcast Facebook Page, and LinkedIn to learn more about what she does.
Want to engage with Courtney Nicole? Check out Courtney Nicole's LinkedIn, Sidecar Solutions, and Nonpareil Coaching for next steps.
hello and welcome to the podcast What Our Parents Didn't Teach Us. This is a place where we will be creating space to discuss all the lessons that we've learned along the way that have led us to where we are today. We'll have conversations with entrepreneurs and freelancers and people from all over the world about what it means to be successful. And the things that we've learned that we hope to pass on to you. I'm your fearless host, Courtney Nicole. I'm a coach that currently resides in Denver, Colorado with my wife, two dogs and plus or minus 27 plants. And I can't wait to talk to you. Welcome to our very first episode of What Our Parents Didn't Teach Us. I am here today with my good friend Joy. And we're going to be discussing some of the lessons that we have learned the hard way that has brought us to the success that we have today, hopefully so that you don't have to make the same mistakes. So with that Joy, tell us a little bit about you.
Joy Bork:Well, Hey, I'm Joy. I'm in the Chicago suburbs. I feel like the story of how we met is pretty apropos. Like we met during COVID on an online Seth Godin conference and started talking and now we're here, which is bizarre.
Courtney Nicole:How bizarre? Yeah.
Joy Bork:It's like the most COVID thing ever.
Courtney Nicole:It is, well, you hope that with the fact that you taught us how to make sourdough bread in the middle of COVID in a pandemic. And I feel like that we're true. COVID friends.
Joy Bork:Yeah. And now we're making a podcast together.
Courtney Nicole:Yeah, podcast was kind of in its inception stage through conversations I've had with Joy. She has a couple of other successful podcasts that you should definitely check out. They're in a pretty niche market, but nevertheless, Joy is an amazing storyteller and we have so much in common. It just made sense to do a podcast.
Joy Bork:It totally does. Yeah. My other two podcasts, one of them also happened during COVID, it's with this guy I've never met before. He posted in a podcast group Hey, I'm looking for a sassy female. Co-host to do a rewatch podcast with me about parks and rec. And my aunt was like got to meet my niece. So she connected us. And later that same day, he was like, yeah, I feel great doing this with you. And the part of me inside, that's very skeptical about everything was like, Oh my gosh, what? You have no clue who the frick I am and you're. Oh, okay. So that night, while I was laying in bed, I ordered gear and three days later we recorded our first podcast. So our podcast is called Parks and Rewatch. We just, I think as of today, topped 78,000 total downloads, and we're just a little over a year old. And to go with the theme that I've heard you talk about in several of our like planning conversations of what does success look like? That was a surprise success to me. Because I have been surprised by how I've been met with caring and empathy from that podcast group. When I'm like, yo, I'm sitting here talking to this dude named Joe who's in Nebraska. I've never met him in real life. And we're just like shooting the breeze about Parks and Rec. And I'm doing all of these random brainy, deep dives. And people are listening to me that I don't know. And they're responding because what I'm saying is resonating with them. This is weird. This is so weird because I think it's been easy in the past to be like, Oh, I'm communicating with the people who are directly in front of me, but that's just not a thing anymore. So to find myself met with actually empathetic caring community from this weird podcast that I'm doing, I guess I'm the only one that probably thinks it's weird.
Courtney Nicole:I doubt your listeners think it's weird.
Joy Bork:Well, I mean, we are quirky.
Courtney Nicole:There you go.
Joy Bork:Yeah, sure. But that's been a surprise to me.
Courtney Nicole:Yeah, I think a lot of successes do come as a surprise. I think there's the ones we set out to do, and then we are successful. And I think that happens in little things every day. I was successful at making coffee this morning. I consider that a success because I put it into my coffee mug and I get to drink it now and be alive and having this lovely conversation, but there's bigger successes. And I think a lot of those come from what Seth Godin talks about as just being the art. Being the art and the gift of your creativity and that little spark that's been put inside you. And when you put it into the world, it will be successful in lighting a fire that you may have not even been able to imagine. And I think that's what makes success so gorgeous. And so fun to talk about is the surprise is, even in the idea of starting a fire, you're going to have different size flames. You never know if it's going to spark this direction or that direction. I think there's that moment around even a campfire where you get to just enjoy the spontaneity. And I've heard a lot of interesting things around psychology and fires where you just sit and Ooh, I
Joy Bork:like where this is going.
Courtney Nicole:You can just sit and watch it. And it actually creates new neuropathways in your brain because of the because of the unpredictability of the light. When you look at like just a light bulb, you know exactly where the light's coming from and where it's going, even the same with the sun we've used, we've gotten used to, okay. If the sun's over there and there's a tree here, the shadow's going to be here, but when there's a fire, you never know where the shadow's going to hit or where the flames going to appear. And it can actually help you to be more creative. So I love thinking of our creativity and of our success as just sparks and fires, because the next time it shoots off in a new direction, we actually get to reinvent what we think success is and how we think about getting there.
Joy Bork:And now my mind is blown and you can drop the figurative mic and walk away. Okay, cool. Cool. Cool.
Courtney Nicole:I shan't drop this mic. It's an expensive mic
Joy Bork:I shan't
Courtney Nicole:Bonus points for using fancy words in the podcast. I think.
Joy Bork:They approve of that highly. Every time my co-host uses a fancy word, I definitely call him out and give him points that are not redeemable for cash, but they're points nonetheless.
Courtney Nicole:That's okay. We'll gather them all up and we'll probably end in some kind of merch or something at the end of this.
Joy Bork:Hey, fine. By me.
Courtney Nicole:So tell me about growing up, because there is a theme here about what our parents taught us and didn't teach us. When was the first time that you were like, this is what I want to do someday. This is how I want to be successful.
Joy Bork:That's an interesting question because I've never been that kind of human. Dreaming is actually terrifying for me. And I think a lot of that comes from growing up in an environment where things were right or wrong. There's is it's black or white. It's not in between. And so the pressure that I felt about choosing the right thing was so overwhelming that I just shut down. So I have taken the route of just saying yes to whatever's put in front of me. Which has gotten me in some really cool places and has also kind of wrecked me in a couple ways. So. Like a huge part of my story comes back to my aunt who connected me with Joe. When I was in junior high or high school, we would go on family trips and she always had a Mac and she had a little video camera and this one ski trip, she was like,"Hey here's my Mac. Figure out iMovie. You can do this." And so I made my first movie. And looking back now, it was horrible. But, my parents and my family were all in shock because I have the ability to see something happen and then figure out how to do it myself. So without a whole lot of direction, my instinct led me to make, for my first video, like an amazing one. So I did that for every vacation for the next few years. And then that led me to crap, like college is coming. I have to choose a major, Oh my gosh, even choosing a college was so hard because I didn't want to be wrong. So I went ahead and just chose the college that my sister already was at. And it was already a family approved decision. So I was like, no conflict. Yay. And the coolest room that I saw at the college was the media room. So I was like, sure. I'll study multimedia. That seems fun. And so I got into this program called the MultiMedia Institute and I ended up graduating essentially with a specialty in broadcast video. I love running cameras. I love doing video direction. I love coaching people. Like, Oh, some of my biggest success moments have come from these moments where I'm able to create fusion. And so I kind of stumbled into this trade, per se. I, I was introduced to a big church that did all of this live production stuff that I didn't even know you could do. And so I just jumped head first into that and found so many different parts of me that I didn't really know existed. Like the ability to video direct is thinking on 12 levels at once. So I'm thinking about what camera shot do I need next? How do I coach my camera ops to do the style I'm looking for. What's the next thing coming up in the next 30 seconds that I need to plan for? What do I actually need to be saying right now? And my brain thrives in that. I love thinking on those kinds of levels. And so I got to do that with video directing. I got to do that with technical direction or show calling as they call it. So like being the hub of the tech team. So I'm calling cues for audio lighting, video of the people on the stage. All of the things. I love doing that. But, I just kept taking the thing that was in front of me. And I think going back to your question of tell me about growing up, what was that like? Going back to black and white? It was, well, if somebody believes in me and offers me this job, that's probably right. I should take it. And so that got me into, especially in the church world, all kinds of situations where I was trusting somebody else to know what was right for me instead of learning to trust myself.
Courtney Nicole:Some of the things you were saying there about avoiding conflict and trying to not fail and all this other stuff. And I wonder how much of it was taking the next step in front of you and how much of it was recognizing the situations and the boundaries and the constructs that had been placed around you. So was the next step really set forth by that person? Or was it set forth by your impression of what you could and couldn't do on that road? Cause I think there's like decisions that we make along the way where we kind of evolve into this is the only natural next step, or this is the only thing I can do. And if you pull back and say, is it though? Is that the only step? Why aren't there other steps? What if failure is the next step? What if conflict is the next step? And how do you think those types of ideas would have affected your journey or would have had you play in a little different role?
Joy Bork:But that's the thing. The black and white that I grew up in, you could not question. So it hasn't been until the past four or five years, I think, that I've actually been able to hold the space for asking, does it have to be this way? Like I, I went through several really bad endings at that church with different jobs. Naturally because of how I was raised, I kept blaming myself. Like I failed at this. I could not do this. And so it's taken quite a few years to be like, okay, I contributed, totally. But it was also a failure of the environment. I don't think my parents quite knew how to listen to their bodies. Of no fault of their own. Like you look a couple generations back, like how do you deal with trauma? You look at guys coming back from war, you look at the crazy crap all around us. We haven't been given tools to figure out how to handle what we feel. I don't want to go back and relive anything that I've done, but it's like, what would we say in recovery like you're not responsible for what happens to you, but you are responsible for what you do now. So, yeah, I don't want to live that again, but that taught me a crap ton of amazing things about, Oh, my body was actually telling me things that whole time, but that's what my anxiety was trying to tell me. Oh, I wasn't safe.
Courtney Nicole:Oh many voices in our life that tell us to avoid this. And yes, this is good and no, this is bad. And I think everyone I've ever asked that question, if you were go back and try to live it differently so far, I've never found anyone who actually wants to go back. Because I think the beautiful part is that it makes us who we are. If we wouldn't know what we know today, if we had learned at a different way back then we would have ended up on some other island doing something different. Like that you learn to just trust your gut on that and go with, you made decision matrices based of what your sister did or which room looked the coolest. And that's just a neat way to navigate life. That's creativity in and of it. So, I don't think it's as much about going back and living it differently, or what would you have done if this was something you didn't have to deal with, but if someone else was in that situation, what kind of things do you think would be helpful to them? You realize hey, this construct that I lived within is not the only way to live life. Sometimes, especially in like abusive situations and all this other stuff, you really do need to take into consideration the other person and their reaction to your actions. And that's just self preservation and wisdom and all that other stuff. But. There are other times when you may just think, Oh, I'll do this because it's the easier route. It's just easier to go where my sister went and she'll be able to show me around campus, which means I don't have to worry about learning from a new person or there may be.
Joy Bork:of friends because of her friends and it was great.
Courtney Nicole:Yeah, exactly. There may be other reasons for that, but. What, if not? What if there were other ways to do it and if you saw someone that was in very similar shoes to you 10 years ago, and you're just like, Hey, try out failure a little bit, try out doing something that only you want to do. Right. If I were to pluck you out of this family situation or pluck you out of this job situation and put you into a different pool entirely, how then would you behave? How then would you act and how much of that could you make into your reality today to kind of take back your power?
Joy Bork:But so much of that comes back to hope. If you are unable to hold in your imagination, that tomorrow could be a different day than today is, if things are so dark, that there just, isn't a way to look forward, then it's like, what do you do then? Because so much of my life and I don't think I realized it until probably until COVID when I actually had to reckon with a lot of the un dealt with crap inside of me. I don't think I really realized how depressed and anxious I've been for most of my life. And so I look back on some of my darkest times and I'm like, Well, when I was working at that church, I couldn't see another way. I was scared enough and hurt enough that I could barely see my foot move any direction. So then if you're saying like, well, what if was the most terrifying thing? Because I couldn't even see an inch in front of me. So then I look back now and to pull back to what you were just saying of Yeah, it's creativity. Actually. There's been so many people, like somebody just was texting me the other day and they asked me to write an article for something I'm like, sure, no problem. And she's your story is genuinely inspiring. And I'm sitting here like really ah, it's my story. But then again, it's. So much of it is being able to share story in community because when I share something and I put it out there, you're able to reflect back to me like, no, actually that was the most creative way that you could have gotten through that situation. So now you look back and you're like, Ugh. Yeah, I was a little brat, but it also was I? Because I was trying my hardest to survive in an environment that didn't feel friendly to me for myriad of reasons. Five points for the word myriad and is yeah. Trauma is a jerk.
Courtney Nicole:Trauma is a jerk. And I think trauma is something everyone handles. And when I try to describe trauma with clients or anything else, it really is anything outside the norm. So if you're just used to either going this fast or this fast in a car you're like I'm used to going from stop to 10 miles an hour. Trauma happens when you go 15 miles an hour, and it's not always like they've described it as big T little T trauma, but anything that, as you said, blows your mind. Like some of the things that we've talked about in this conversation, if you're like, man, my mind is blown. That's a form of trauma. And trauma is really just the pain that comes with the expansion of possibility and the capacity you have for reality. So because trauma is happening so consistently in life, little ones, and then sometimes really big ones. It's hard to sort out life. And that's why I personally think everyone needs a counselor. So when you talk about big T trauma, those are things when you're in, you're supposed to grow into it. A lot of this happens in the area of sexual abuse. You're supposed to, it's supposed to be like a long line that you become awakened to sexuality inside yourself. I mean, it happens at a very young age, much younger than most people think, newborns can masturbate, and like that type of concept is crazy, but it is still supposed to be an awakening and sexual abuse is when you have something that's off and you turn it on immediately. And so it's very much like throwing electricity into a bulb that wasn't completely put together. It's going to spark out and fizz out and it'll never be able to create light in the way it was meant to again. Someone has to go in there and replace the filament and put it back together and put a new glass cage around it. And all this has to happen for electricity to be able to flow appropriately through that. So big T trauma is something that just kind of breaks the speedometer, if you will. Where it no longer is Ooh, that was a little bit further than I was planning to go. It's nevermind. I don't know how to work anymore.
Joy Bork:The fuse is just blown.
Courtney Nicole:Exactly and trying to capture that, that everyone has been through some kind of trauma. Everyone has been through someone yelling at you or some form of manipulation or gaslighting. It's just so common in day-to-day life. And yet we're moving so fast. We can't stop to appreciate it. And I think much like those constructs that you operated within to get where you are today, trauma is just another way of learning this is where I do and don't go, this is where I am and am not comfortable. And that's how we eventually get to establish boundaries around our life. And I think going back through that can be essential to success. Is understanding all of the, even the pain parts and how they built you into who you are and how you can use them to tell your story. And I think stories are incredible and stories are very powerful because they teach other people like, Hey, you're not alone. You're not the only one who touched that hot stove. The only one who had their breakers blown by some idiot who was very selfish. So those conversations can absolutely happen and learning how to have them within the context of this isn't make you bad. And this doesn't make you unsuccessful. And this doesn't mean you can't be successful or have a future is what I believe is part of the turning on the lights. You mentioned like I wasn't able to see the next step in front of me. I couldn't fathom another world cause I couldn't find them my own. So I think in those instances, just to stop and pause and say, no, we're in this moment. And if what you want is to see the next step, then let's turn that light on. Let's illuminate what that next step might look like. And they say, the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. And I think sometimes that is the most important part of success is the next step. Sometimes it's one you have to make in trust and just hope the floor is there to catch you. And sometimes it's one, you can just kind of hold your foot there and say, I know I'm going to take this step, but I'm not comfortable to do it until there's some light here. And no matter which way you take the step, the important part is that's your intention. Because if that's your intention and that's what you're focused on, just you're focusing on it, even in the darkest places, give your eyes a moment to adjust and you'll be able to see things you couldn't before. So I think just holding, staying the course and believing that what you can do is take the next step and then deciding how to do that is part of the beauty of the story.
Joy Bork:So much of what you're talking about is agency. And that's something that I feel like, to play into a stereotype, I feel like that's something that a lot of females especially don't know that they have. And so a lot of the concepts you're talking about, while I resonate with them now, I don't think Joy of the past could have even held space for that. What are you talking about? I don't. No, like I'm dying here. It's dark. I don't have any tools in front of me to even light a match to see that next step. And I think I was waiting for somebody to invite me towards something else, which then is again a question of agency of, I was giving all of my agency to someone else. Like I, I, in and of myself, I can't figure this out. So I have to wait to be rescued, which again, plays into so much of the female stereotype. Like where's my man on the Steed to come and get me, but that never really happened.
Courtney Nicole:Yeah, I think it happens with a lot of, we'll say groups of people that have not had the opportunity to recognize their power or to see their power just acting in their best interest. One of my favorite phrases, and it's probably one I will use to sign off on this podcast is act as if the world and the universe are conspiring with you and for you. And I think that's a beautiful sentiment that not a lot of people grow up thinking is even possible is imagine if everyone was conspiring for you. Imagine if that was reality. And how beautiful might that be. And I think you're right. I think a lot of women, I think non-binary individuals, I think the LGBT community, I think any under-represented community of people that have not been able to see their power become reality, become the leading and the catalyst and the biggest force in humanity and in society is going to feel a lot of that darkness. And I think Joy of the past needs to have a voice. I love Joy of the past because there are so many people that are there today and they can't understand it and they can't fathom it and they can't imagine it. So I think giving her a voice in the past, and also showing her what's possible in her future, be that you now, and you today, or you tomorrow. And I think that the biggest part of the whole thing is just, it's just a journey. It's something that the more you take steps, the easier it'll be to walk, the more you lift weights, the stronger you will become. Right. And the reality is that even sometimes just existing today, choosing to take another breath, choosing to do something that gives you life is what it'll take to get to the next step. And that in and of itself is success. And I think that's what so many people downplay. They're like, I haven't been successful. I haven't done this. And I'm like, look at you.
Joy Bork:Hold up. You're existing. You're alive.
Courtney Nicole:You're doing so much more, and if anyone knew the amount of things that tried to stand in your way, that in and of itself is success. Because you're the only one who really knows the full story. So therefore you're the only one that can give yourself permission to be appreciative to yourself for making it to today.
Joy Bork:That's so interesting because I knew we were going to talk about what does success look like to me? How did I get here? And the answer that kept coming back up in my head was, well, I exist today and that's a big deal. I know I'm successful because I'm still here. And so to hear you say that back to me, like my eyes are misting and I'm like, okay, so what am I feeling? What is actually happening? And this is the beauty of humanity. This is somebody else acknowledging and seeing good in me. Which success for me is so often simply remembering that I've made it before. And so I've been trying really hard to have totems in my head. So my tattoo is a big one. It reminds me that I'm brave. There's so much artistry laced into this tattoo. And this reminds me of one of my greatest success memories, which was the day that I did my first solo cross-country flight when I was learning to fly. My mom was my flight instructor, which was legit, and she trusted me with an airplane to fly over 50 nautical miles away. And I figured it out. I remember. Soaring over these patchwork fields and sitting there and being like, holy freaking crap. I'm in an airplane. I'm flying it by myself. This feels free. I feel powerful. I'm flying an airplane. And so even like looking back to COVID, that was some of my darkest times. And I think a lot of it was what you were talking about. Yeah, you got to reckon with it. And it all finally caught up with me because. COVID made me stop. And so in those darkest of times it was like, okay, let's intentionally remember times where we've made it. Oh, I flew that airplane once. I got my pilot's license and I was 17 and 18. Like I can do hard things. Oh, Holy moly. And then just the human. Togetherness moment of sitting here and looking at you and you hearing me and affirming that back to me is, again, another moment. I don't know if success is the right word, but like affirmation that my existence is worth it, which is also a success in its way. Because of, like you said, all of those things that tried to make me stop to try to pull me down, whatever you want to call it. I'm now starting to sound like a country song. Um,
Courtney Nicole:Hey, there's a reason country. Music is successful.
Joy Bork:That's true. It resonates. I just don't like country though, but that's okay. That's
Courtney Nicole:That's okay.
Joy Bork:Yeah, it's all very interesting.
Courtney Nicole:Yeah. Well, I think kind of also what you're saying, highlights on a bigger part of success. And when I work with clients and try to help them to be more successful, the biggest thing you have to do is imagine your success. If you're a kid and you're trying to jump from a couch to another couch, if you imagine yourself, falling on the floor and breaking your arm, you'll never jump, but you imagine that feeling that's going to happen when your foot touches the other couch and your body comes with it and you look back and you're like, Oh shit, I jumped.
Joy Bork:Yes, I did shoot. So much of, I started climbing a couple of years ago and that has been one of the best practices I think I could have ever picked up because rock climbing is basically in and of itself an entire life metaphor. So much of it is just like what you were talking about of, Oh my gosh. Especially on overhung routes where like I'm leaning back the whole time and my body and gravity are pulling me. And it's especially if you're a lead climbing and you're clipping in along the way and the rope isn't going all the way up to the top and back to you. So if you fall, the fall is bigger. That's why they call it a whipper for a reason. And so, so much of climbing is trust. And so much of it is being able to, like the more new people I take climbing, the more I'm like, Oh, what you just said is so true. Can you visualize it? I watch my newbie friends think that a hold is too far away and I'm like, no, really all you have to do is pivot your hip toward the wall and push. You're fine. You got it. Put your hand up, look how, okay. You're really not that far away. And I think coming back to what I know of you, what's helpful in those moments is actually having a coach. Is having somebody walk alongside and say, Oh, from where I stand, like I got the rope. It's going all the way up to the top. It's attached to you. It's attached to me. We're safe. I got you. If you fall, it's actually going to be okay, because that means you tried. And trying is more valuable than sitting and doing nothing.
Courtney Nicole:Yeah. And and a matter of perspective, there's just no way, that comes down to when people look in the mirror and they don't like what they see, because it's the inverted thing. That's been a tick tock thing lately is people seeing how others see them. And so version you've never seen of yourself. And so you immediately are just struck by it, whether it's wow, that's beautiful, or wow, that's hideous. It doesn't really matter because the point is you'll never see the world. One of my clients is actually a medical doctor and talks a lot about science-y things. One of the things she's talked about is that you don't actually know what anything is. You don't know what you are. You don't know what this glass is. Nothing, all you have is your rendering. And your like eyes making a picture in your brain, adding color, and like all this stuff happening to create the reality around you. You have no idea what it is. You don't know how heavy it is. Everything outside of yourself is a construct of something created within you. And
Joy Bork:fantastic and so overwhelming all at the same time.
Courtney Nicole:It is. And so I think that if you can just take it as potential, it's scary and it'll make you poo yourself. But if you could just take it as potential and realize that, it's just okay. Time is something I create. Success is something I create. Reality and coffee and what I do today, something that I get to create. And how I view it is the most important part, because success to me, isn't success to someone else. But I can be successful in my own mind. And when I started this podcast, I was just asking, it was kind of a casting call for successful people. And the number one thing everyone asked me is how do you define success? And my favorite answer is I can't define it. Because success for me, isn't success for you, which is why on this podcast, you're going to hear and see a lot of different people that are successful. And some of them may be homeless. Which I would say as a standard is something that people view as being unsuccessful. But if that is their lifestyle choice, then that is success. To be successfully homeless is probably meaning to stay alive and to stay a part of a community. And I would imagine it's quite intimate. I have not been homeless, but to rely on others for so many different needs and to create entire subcultures and systems like that is a feat to be accomplished. And it does take a level of success. So I think this whole journey is really just about seeing, recognizing and acknowledging that you are successful. And you're successful today and you will be more successful tomorrow because right now your standard is to be. To exist. To continue to win and to reflect on your past self. And to appreciate that and say, Hey, I've done this before. I can do it again. I've been successful. So I will be successful. And establishing that as your marker moving forward. And another totem that says I'm going to be successful because I have been. And that's all that really matters. That forward movement, the momentum. That just taking the next step. So I can't wait to see all of your success. I can't wait to see all the amazing ways you do. Because if you can stop worrying about being successful today, if you're like, okay, check it off. Now I am successful. What else can I do? You have to have that moment that just okay, stamped it. It's done. I am successful now, what can I do?
Joy Bork:Yeah, it's changing the glasses you look through. Because for so much of my life, I have looked through the lenses of, I am not enough. And so looking through those lenses, naturally, I find that information. So choosing to change that is vulnerable in and of itself. And is one of the bravest things I think anyone can probably do. Is saying, I'm going to choose me in this situation. I'm going to remember. I have agency. I can do hard things. I have done hard things. Let's remember that. And I can write the next chapter. I'm not powerless.
Courtney Nicole:Absolutely. You're just reminding me of so many neuro things. I'm afraid. We're just going to blow too many minds today. But I have to throw this one in there because it's become such a core part of how I live every day. And that's the neuro reality and I'm not a neuroscientist, but I love the brain. And I just think it's so freaking fascinating that I have to talk about it all the time. But basically your brain can't handle and complete patterns. So in marketing, we're actually taught to create breaks in the pattern, like you put things in a line and they're perfectly lined up and the last one isn't there, or, you know, a sea of yellow, rubber ducks and there's a blue one. Your mind wants to know why it's blue. So it's just constantly trying to complete circles and complete patterns. And when you tell yourself I'm not successful, your brain is like, okay, let's see if we can complete that pattern. Because here it was thinking you were, and then you just took a chunk out of the circle. And so it needs to complete that. And so in order for your brain to continue to do what it does, it needs a complete circle. So it's literally going to look for areas in which you are not successful. Maybe you loaded the dishwasher wrong, and now it smells weird. Maybe this happened and it will just be like, you're right. You're not successful so that it can close the loop. So when we say these things and we try to put them into reality, we're like, I'm stupid. Your brain is I didn't think you were, but okay. Let's investigate. And this all happens very quickly and all behind the scenes, but that's the idea of manifestation or creating your reality is that your brain is just trying to complete the thoughts you begin in your head. So that's the power of creating a reality is that you could say. I'm freaking successful and I'm freaking awesome. And your brain's like, okay, we didn't have that message before. So we're going to, we're going to start looking for some evidence of that. And then it is reality. And then it becomes who you are and it becomes a part of your story. Not because it wasn't before, but because your brain now recognizes it and accepts it and puts it into the circle and says, no, this is complete and they are successful and they are beautiful and they are wonderful. So saying those things and all the positive affirmation that they say all over the place in every self-help book you will ever pick up is real. Because we're literally creating the circles that our brain will complete to form the images that we see of ourselves, of our reality, of our story, and ultimately of our success.
Joy Bork:Dang. That's like the perfect note to end this on.
Courtney Nicole:Perfect. Well, we are at time. We are going to try to keep these somewhere between 30 to 40 minutes, something that you can digest in a day. But with that, if people are trying to find you, Joy, and they want to hear more of this truth bomb or your story, or especially all of that where can people get in touch?
Joy Bork:I am on the socials as J O Y O U S B O R K. My two podcasts you can listen to me on are Parks And Rewatch or my personal one that is my creative proving that I am a creative, darnit in the world, is called Here We Are: What Makes Us Human. And it's really just an excuse for me to talk to really smart people about the things that make their eyes light up. And then I get to learn all about it.
Courtney Nicole:That's awesome. It's a beautiful podcast, highly recommend it. We are going to put the video of this up on YouTube and below that, and in the descriptions, we will have links and everything so that you can find both of us. Thanks so much for joining us for the podcast today, and I hope you learned some valuable lessons that will help you on your journey to success. If you're interested in coaching with me, you can check out Nonpareilcoaching.com. That's NONPAREILcoaching.com. Courtney Nicole can be found on most social medias. You can also slide into my DMS on Instagram@courtandwhiskey. If you're interested in being a guest on this podcast, you can check out our website it's just the acronym for what our parents didn't teach us.com. www.WOPDTU.com to be a guest on the podcast. You can find us wherever you find your podcasts. Don't forget: the universe is conspiring with you.