This week, Courtney and Suzi dive headfirst into rediscovering joy, defining what success means to you, and welcoming change.
Check out Suzi's Website, Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn, or send her an email to learn more!
Want to engage with Courtney Nicole? Check out Courtney Nicole's LinkedIn, Sidecar Solutions, and Nonpareil Coaching for next steps.
This week, Courtney and Suzi dive headfirst into rediscovering joy, defining what success means to you, and welcoming change.
Check out Suzi's Website, Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn, or send her an email to learn more!
Want to engage with Courtney Nicole? Check out Courtney Nicole's LinkedIn, Sidecar Solutions, and Nonpareil Coaching for next steps.
Hello and welcome to the podcast, What Our Parents Didn't Teach Us. This is a place where we will be creating space to discuss all the lessons that we've learned along the way that have led us to where we are today. We'll have conversations with entrepreneurs and freelancers and people from all over the world about what it means to be successful. And the things that we've learned that we hope to pass on to you. I'm your fearless host, courtney Nicole. I'm a coach that currently resides in Denver, Colorado with my wife, two dogs and plus or minus 27 plants. And I can't wait to talk to you. Welcome everybody. I am here with my friend, Susie. Susie is hailing from Madrid, Spain actually. And is a dear friend of mine. We've had a couple of conversations over the years, and a lot of times they really center around change. They center around joy, and I can't express to you. I know for those listening on the podcast, you can't really see Susie's face, but it is just a constant beacon of joy and smiles and lights. Oh my goodness. Love her so much. So Susie, what would you like everyone to know about you?
Suzi S:Thank you the first for inviting me on this podcast, Courtney, it's super exciting. What to know about me? I think just that I love adventure and change and reinvention, and I try to have as much joy in my life as possible.
Courtney Nicole:That's awesome. Yes. I think change is something that a lot of people fear. And a lot of people run away from, as soon as they hear the word change, they start to get a little bit iffy and there are standard metaphors and analogies in nature. Changing of the seasons or even caterpillars to butterflies. But what do you think are some of your favorite examples of change that people might be familiar with?
Suzi S:Um, I think for the most part changes within their personal lives. And I guess also through their professional lives as well with promotions, and finding different jobs, personal lives. For me, I've moved locations often I've lived in different states, different cities, even different countries now. So just the little changes, even with the seasons. People changing their wardrobes and people changing their outlook and, in the summer there's more outdoor activity. In the winter, sometimes even the change of being a little bit more sedentary is fine. So I think all kinds of changes are fun.
Courtney Nicole:Change is everywhere. Honestly it happens on the daily. We just don't recognize it. Like you were mentioning sedentary. If you go from sitting to standing, that's a change and it requires a lot of muscles to make that happen. And there are many people who don't have the privilege of being able to go through that change on a daily basis. So I do think that change ultimately can be a privilege. What would you say is one of the. In your life, one of your favorite changes, something that's happened that's really has been a catalyst for your growth.
Suzi S:Yeah, I think this most recent move to Madrid has been the biggest catalyst for me. Because it allowed me to get out of the corporate world. And then realize that I can still be successful without that pressure. And without that constant go, go, go on the hamster wheel. When I graduated college, I had the original seed of teaching English abroad in a different country, but I was so worried about being financially independent. That I was like, there's no way I'm going to be able to do that. So I did my due diligence. I spent about 17 years in corporate America, realized I could be successful there. And then I was like, let's see if I can be successful on another adventure. So, now that I've an in another career change, I'm going from an English language consultant now to more of a life coach. I'm really even now I'm in a new direction.
Courtney Nicole:that's awesome. Very cool. I think going through that many transformations in your life probably has given you a different concept of success. I think some people think of success as this eternal road that you just walk along and walk along until you finally get to the pinnacle. And maybe the pinnacle for some people is retirement. Maybe it's having a million dollars, there's many different metrics for it. But how have you found that success fits in with your story of constantly changing? Cause I think it probably changes the expectation and the thing you're shooting for to be successful.
Suzi S:Yeah, it's actually really interesting that you bring that up because that is something that I've thought about quite a bit over the years. For me, success is more about joy and adventure than it is about maybe monetary things or even promotions. Whereas I think at one point I thought that was success kind of while I was climbing the corporate ladder. But in retrospect, it's more for me about joy and adventure. And for me, success is learning new things. Learning about different cultures. Learning people's stories. Learning different career paths. And for me that is success. Just learning. And I'd love the expression, if you're not learning, you're not living. And I really try to abide by that. And again, whether it's learning, you know what I mean, moving to a different culture is a pretty big step, but even, I remember at one point a few years ago, I got very curious about blockchain. So I took an intensive course and I learned all about blockchain.
Courtney Nicole:That's awesome.
Suzi S:Yeah. So I think for me, success is more, is all about learning.
Courtney Nicole:That's neat. And I think it brings up the point that success really is what you define it as, and a lot of times when I work with clients, they come to me wanting a certain thing. They want to be successful. They want to be wealthy. They want to be promoted. And I think a lot of times what we think we're doing is looking to the world around us for that recognition. We're looking for a badge. We're looking for an award. We're looking for something that says you are here. Which person has not gone to some kind of a hiking adventure and looked for some kind of map. It's like, Hey, tell me where I'm at. Even if you go to the mall and theoretically, you should be able to find whatever store you look for. The, you are here. And I think along life's journey, it's important to take moments to appreciate you are here, but also to recognize that a lot of that recognition just isn't going to come from the world around you because people don't have the same metrics. People don't have the same values as you. People don't have the same understanding. They're not on the same journey. So maybe they're climbing a slightly smaller mountain. So halfway to them might take an hour. Where halfway for you might take four hours. So you really can't measure your progress and your success based on someone else's map. And it's important for you to self-actualize success and to say, no, this is what it means to me. And I think setting those metrics ahead of time is really helpful. But also, re-evaluating as you go along because sometimes the rules change, and something I learned when I took Seth Godin's altMBA was just the concept of enough, you know, like that's when you're here, it's good enough. And it's plenty. And it's what you need right now. It may not be the ultimate the end all be all, but sometimes all we need is for it to be good enough for it to be enough. How can you know when you're done eating a meal? Well, when you're done eating a meal, when you decide I have had enough here, and I think if you want to live in today's day and age, there's going to be a lot of changes. There's not the 70 year careers that we used to see. There, aren't pensions. A lot of the things that we learned to live our lives according to the traditions of the past just don't exist anymore. So now we have to say, this is enough. This season of my life. Nope. I think we're done here. I think it's time to move on to the next thing. So what are some markers that you've used along the way? Because I know you have reinvented yourself. I think you mentioned seven times. So in that amount of reinventions, what do you say are some of the markers that you've used knowing they won't be the same for everyone, but there may be others that people could use just to say, okay, that's a good thing to note.
Suzi S:Yeah, that's a really interesting question. And I love your analogy about the maps. It doesn't matter, in my mind so much where you're going, but just enjoying where you are in the moment. And as for some markers as to how I know when it's time for a new reinvention, it's interesting that you asked that because I am currently on the cusp of another reinvention right now. And yeah. So for me, the markers. Unfortunately for me, I think it's more of a gut feel. Just things start happening where I just say. Hm. And am I the end of this journey? And am I, is this something that needs to change again. I think also, right now, the reason for this new reinvention has a little bit to do with the pandemic. Because I was loving my fear. I was. On the adventure of a lifetime for a good four and a half years. I woke up every day, so happy and I was just in love with my life and I loved so much about what was happening. And then unfortunately the pandemic hit. And we were locked down for about a good three months here and then everything opened up and went back to real life. But there's this overarching fear for me, that people aren't taking enough care about the virus. And I just started waking up not as happy as I used to be. And it just progressively got a little bit more and more frustrating. So, for me, I think that's really the marker. When I wake up in the morning and I'm happy to be where I am, nothing's going to change. When I start waking up and I'm not happy. That's when I know something's not right. And I need to do something different.
Courtney Nicole:Yeah. So when I've worked with clients before that don't like their jobs, a lot of times people come to me and they don't like their job and they're thinking about quitting. So they come to me to help them make the transition. But in all honesty, 85% of my clients keep their current jobs because a lot of times it's this fact that it isn't your job, it's you. And sometimes you need to move on to the next job, but sometimes you just need to make things different inside the job. And I think the pandemic has brought about that ability in people they didn't think they had before. The ability to invent inside of restrictions. And I think again, from the altMBA, learned a lot about constraints. And sometimes it's those limitations that actually create who we are. If there weren't roads and that you could just go anywhere and you just were like, I don't know, I'm going to go this direction. You could end up 5,000 miles different than where you would if you had gone slightly a different direction. So I think sometimes the constraints can get us where we want us to be faster. And so I think creating those inside yourself and realizing what's important to you can be really valuable. So specifically in the area of jobs, I typically have people create what I call the give and suck list. So on one side of the column, it's like a pros and cons list, but more better. On one side you have what gives you life. And on the other side you have what sucks life. And then I also have them give a rate. So let's take a standard nine to five office job pre pandemic. You're like, alright. It gives me life that they have coffee there. It gives me life that I get to see Suzi every day. It gives me life that I get to, have a really cool standing desk. And I have a window with a view and like all this other stuff, right. And you're saying, all right, the coffee factor is pretty big. If you've seen me drink coffee on this podcast, I go through a lot of it. Right. So you're like 8 out of 10 is the coffee value to me. And it's good coffee. I'm seeing Susie obviously is 10 out of 10, but unfortunately I only get to see her like once every six days or so. So I'm going to actually knock that one down because it just doesn't happen as much. So it's a 6 out of 10. And you rate all these things and you go over to the sucks list and you say. Okay. Being with, Harold in that one meeting, sorry for any Harold's out there, but it's just rough. Every time I feel like he's mansplaining to me and it just leaves me feeling yucky. So he impacts my day. If I have a meeting with him, it can tank a day. So he's up there. He's like an 8 out of 10. And then you go through and you're like I didn't get the promotion I wanted or my pay isn't great. And that kind of sucks the life out of me. So that is not a big deal. It's like a 2 out of 10. But then once you have your list and it's running and I have to give all these examples, you can see it clearly, but once your list is running, then you just go in today and you pick one off of each side, one off of the give list and one off the suck list and you change it just one note. So if you can see Susie one more time today, then your day has been better. And if you can possibly put yourself in a position to not be as effected by Harold, or you can have a conversation with your boss about maybe in the future, when you will be eligible for that pay raise, you can bring these levels of suck down and bring the levels of give up. In so doing, you can create a world that you enjoy living in, but it requires being aware of yourself. It requires like some kind of like a body scan, or I do a lot of muscle testing or something along those lines that gets you in tune with what really matters to you. Because it isn't what matters to everyone else. And especially at big corporations, you're just working with what they think is the base flavor. This is the vanilla job. And then what you add to it is up to you. Even, you know, a lot of chocolates start as vanilla, but you need to start somewhere. You need to start with a base and your life is your base. And what you add to it is up to you. So put some intention behind it and get in tune with what you think will really make you happy.
Suzi S:Absolutely. And with the ice cream analogy, I think I would be the everything, but the kitchen sink. Do you remember Ben and Jerry's had that.
Courtney Nicole:Ooh. I could not, man. I can not. I'm actually fun fact about me. I'm a super taster. And so when you add in that many flavors, I take like one bite and I'm like, I'm out. I can't do it. Nope. Nope. I'm overwhelmed.
Suzi S:overload.
Courtney Nicole:Yup. Yup. Nope. Can't handle it. It's too crazy.
Suzi S:That's great. That's great.
Courtney Nicole:I think, if you talk about the concept of picking a thing that makes you happy, knowing what makes you happy. Especially in the area of finances, it's not always what you think. I read a book. I will make you rich by Ramit Sethi, and he talked in there about his friend who made a menial salary and yet spent a thousand dollars a month on shoes. And his point was, it's not that just because you make less than other people, you can't spend money on anything. It's, you need to choose what you're going to spend it on. And it needs to be on things that matter to you. I later watched a documentary on minimalism, which I'd highly recommend, and that was really eye-opening for me to just realize that living and enjoying life. Isn't about, being super frugal and not stopping for coffee in the morning. Again with me and my coffee. But you know, it's not about all the little changes we think we need to make that the world says will make us healthy or happy or wealthy. It's about making the changes that honestly mean the most to us. And if, what means the most to you is your morning coffee, then girl, get after it, stop and get yourself some morning coffee. You may not be able to go out to eat as much, but you'll be able to get the coffee. And if that's what makes you happy, then who cares about the rest of it?
Suzi S:Yeah. I agree with that a thousand percent.
Courtney Nicole:What are some of the ways that you have found to measure happiness? You said if I wake up in the morning and I just don't feel like it, what's something else that you would say is a good way just to measure, is it journaling or asking friends and family?
Suzi S:I think it's spending time with people. Which is another frustrating thing for me right now. Yeah if I can really spend quality time with people, then my happiness levels shoot through the roof. I am a people person through and through. And the screens, I want to say scratch the itch, but it doesn't. It it's there and it helps, but it's not the same as being in person with people. Yeah. So I think for me, that's really a good gauge of happiness.
Courtney Nicole:That's nice. Yeah. When you talk about like needing to spend time with people, it reminds me of another concept. I had a couple years ago that I developed called the needs bucket theory. And this one is all about that. You have certain needs and everyone's are different. But it's very important beyond, you know, Maslow's hierarchy of needs and beyond your basic food, water, shelter, you have additional needs as an individual based on what you were conditioned to receive as a child or what was withheld and everything that's been established in our lives, we have needs. And you can start with just a real basic list. Like I need people who recognize me. I need to be smiled at. I need someone to tell me I'm cool. I need someone to like my hair. Like there are certain things. It doesn't matter how frivolous it sounds. There's an aspect of, if that doesn't happen, there will be an emptiness. So I encourage people to usually find their top three to five buckets that they're just like, this is a need I have. And for me, I had a need to be touched physically. Um, This was pre COVID, probably about eight years ago that I found this. And I was in a situation where I wasn't going to be in a relationship for a minute, and I just needed some time to me. But something that I started to realize the bucket was getting emptier and emptier was the longer I went without physical contact. So I did a couple of things. I, got a job as a server. And a lot of times servers back before the pandemic were encouraged to just like place their hand on the shoulder of the person they were talking to. You know, Familiarity and support and all this other stuff that can be communicated. So that was an easy way to do it. And then another thing was I spent more time with kids. Because what I needed was not any type of weird physical touch, I just needed some other warm bodied human to come in contact with me. And kids are awesome that. They just jump up in your lap and they're like, read me a story. And they give you hugs all the time and they whisper in your ear, but you get more spit than noise. And like, I mean, kids are just the best. But because. I was able to realize this is a need I have, and it's not being fulfilled in the typical fashion, I know exactly what I need to do and what I can change to get my life back to normal. And I think a lot of times the world is moving so fast and everyone else's needs come first and there's more squeaky wheels than we have enough grease for. So we neglect ourselves. And so for me, I've established what I call the dashboard and in the morning, just like you would in your car when you got in. Theoretically, you're supposed to check and make sure that all the gauges are where they're supposed to be. Is the oil okay? Is the gas okay? Is everybody where we need to be? And even your car measures the coolant, measures the windshield fluid, and it will tell you if those things are not okay, but it all does get measured. So no matter how automatic it is, I think it's important that you take full stock. Because, like you mentioned Suzi, some days you wake up and you're just not happy. And sometimes, there's energy in the world, maybe, you know, for women it's that time of the month. It doesn't really matter. There can be factors that make you wake up not happy. But look at the rest of the gauges. Look at everything and take it in a full picture that says, no, I think this is consistent. I think we have a leak in the engine. I think this bucket is really being drained quickly at this particular job, or in this relationship, or where I'm living. And recognize it and then do something about it because either you have to fill it at three times the rate you were filling that bucket, or you need to plug the leak. And a lot of times plugging the leak means change. And change means really an opportunity for reinvention. And I think that's one of your passions is just noticing that this doesn't have to be a bad thing. Well, yes, we'll get our self filled from somewhere else and it'll be different. It might even taste different. Like when you go to a different city and the water tastes different. It may be slightly different, but it's still the same sustenance. And that opportunity to experience new things really comes when you accept and actually welcome change.
Suzi S:Absolutely. I think I am very different than other people when it comes to that. Because for me, change invigorates me and energizes me. Because with change comes learning. So for me, that, that is really what gets me out of bed in the morning.
Courtney Nicole:Yes. I love what you mentioned there about like what's attached to it. And sometimes when people have a real aversion to something that someone else doesn't, it's because of the attached pieces that come with it. That's one of the big things I work on with my NLP clients, the neuro-linguistic programming, is unattaching all of the baggage that comes with a certain thought. Because our brain is moving at again a very quick pace and it'll even begin to associate colors, or tones, or songs, or things like that, that we've taken in through our senses with trauma that we experienced in our souls. And the separation of that can be really vital to the ability to handle change. Just like people are afraid of heights, people can be afraid of change for reasons. So. I'd say for me, if you find yourself really afraid of change, play out what you imagine happening, and then try to just very quickly play out the opposite. You know, if you were going to go skydiving and you were just afraid of going splat, imagine landing gracefully on the ground. And you have to change the outcome before you're able to change the approach.
Suzi S:Absolutely. And the sky diving analogy is a little extreme, but I try to help my clients visualize the worst case scenario, come to terms with the worst case scenario and then be okay with it, because that helps with the fear of change. For example, if you're thinking about changing jobs and you're not sure if the new job is the right move. Play out all of the scenarios. What's the worst thing that could happen. Maybe you have a terrible boss. Maybe you're not as successful as you want to be. Come to terms with that and then figure out ways that you can improve on it.
Courtney Nicole:Hm. Yeah, I like that. Some people just need to play it out and say, okay, what's the worst thing happens. What's the best that happens. And the reality is that if you're a betting person, the odds are you will land somewhere in the middle. There will be days. It's the worst and days. It's the best. And if you've already played out those things in your head, then you can handle them with confidence.
Suzi S:Exactly.
Courtney Nicole:Anything else that you'd like to give your clients or examples you use often?
Suzi S:I try to just help them celebrate their wins. And the feedback that I get from my clients is they really appreciate that about me. Because I think as humans, we don't do that enough. I think we look for the hard things or the things that we don't do as well as we think we could. But when we flip that on its ear and celebrate the things we do well, it motivates us. It inspires us. It allows us to take more risks. Because we know that we can succeed. So I really try to encourage my clients to just celebrate and, and just make sure that they are appreciating those wins.
Courtney Nicole:That's awesome. Beautiful. If people have loved what you have to say and want to get in touch with you, is there anything else they should know about your business or perhaps like your website, the best way to get in touch with you?
Suzi S:Yeah, the best way is definitely my website. And that is rediscoverjoy-coaching.com.
Courtney Nicole:Excellent. And anything else that you would like to leave people with? As far as a note.
Suzi S:Rediscover, or discover if you have not discovered it in the past, rediscover that joy, celebrate your wins and you can do anything you set your mind to.
Courtney Nicole:I love that. Do it intentionally, and you really can. A lot of times when my wife leaves for work in the morning she walks out the door and then she'll come back and look at me and just be like, you know what? Today's going to be a great day. She has no evidence to support that. She doesn't have any reason to, she might even have a million hard meetings going on that day, but there's the intention. You know, start the way you mean to go on by starting with intention and deciding that you can do it. And Suzi and I think you can. Whoever you are out there in the whole wide world, I believe you can do it. So go be awesome.
Suzi S:Absolutely. Absolutely. This has been so amazing, Courtney so much fun. Thank you so much.
Courtney Nicole:Oh, thanks for being on. We'll talk to you later.
Suzi S:Definitely.
Courtney Nicole:Thanks so much for joining us for the podcast today, and I hope you learned some valuable lessons that will help you on your journey to success. If you're interested in coaching with me, you can check out Nonpareilcoaching.com. That's NONPAREILcoaching.com. Courtney Nicole can be found on most social medias. You can also slide into my DMS on Instagram@courtandwhiskey. If you're interested in being a guest on this podcast, you can check out our website it's just the acronym for what our parents didn't teach us.com. www.WOPDTU.com to be a guest on the podcast. You can find us wherever you find your podcasts. Don't forget: the universe is conspiring with you.